Lessons in Leadership

Some of you might have noticed a massive increase in TM fees. Those of you who bothered to look the invoice. Those of you who bothered to pay definitely noticed.

I found out about all this fee increase thing from Yvette, who’s credit card bounced when paying her round. Then I realised how serious the situation was. Especially because I had to pull out my redit card and pay.

I was so cross I contacted the area governor, Luis. Now luis is a long time TM and has lots of leadership skills. So he said, listen Ian. You want to learn leadership, don’t you? This is the best leadership lesson you can get. How to screw the minions. Its worth every cent. And you’re actually involved, living it, feeling it. Pretty clever hey?

And of course, like any great leader, he was right.. And suddenly I caught on.

The best leadership lessons are where we are involved..

I remember the first leadership lesson I ever got at TM. I was the SAA. I arrived at the meeting and had left the box at home. Now if you had been the president, what woulf you have said to me? Maybe something like Jocelyn qould say, “Ian, I’m afraid you may be challenged on the intellectual front, you really need to think harder before you leave home to come to TM.” Effective? No!

Luckily the president had excellent leadership skills taught right here at TM, and said to me: You idiot. Ok, not quite like that, there was a third leadership word in between those two  beginning with an “F”. A word I still don’t feel confident enough as a leader to use comfortably. With time, TM will help me to use those more advanced leadership terms correctly.

The lesson here is a valuable one. Always make short, effective and high impact sentences. If you’re saying more than 4 words to someone, you’re saying too much, and you’ve lost them.

I remember another effective lesson I got in leadership at TM. My evaluator said, “Ian, that was excellent. It was amazing. You have made such progress since you joined.” Recognise that?   Yes, you do. Because it’s the exact same evaluation Carina gave Peter last meeting. Because a true leader knows that whatever anyone else says is unimportant and doesn’t listen. There’s even another lesson she demonstrated there. Always look serious when you’re saying things that aren’t true. And even a third: diplomacy. Tell lies that make people feel good.

Now when youget home this evening, if you can find that CL manual, have a look at the dumb projects they devise to teach you leadership. It should have been called the CM Manual - Competent Minionship.  In fact, it’s so bad I emailed TM Int and if the CEO has any intention of doing anything for us after he received his last oscene paycheck? A noce lady replied and said, yes, he has our best interests at heart. Another leadership lesson, and I made a mental note to pay my fees.

Then she said, yes, they have been revised. Here are some of the new projects:

Speaking with brevity - Create a speech of  four  words or less. Use simple hand gesturfes to reinforce your message. Try not to use more than 1 finger.

Learning patience: feel didain for an audience of ignorant minions, but Don’t get cross with the bastards. Use a variety  of high impact leadership words of four letters in length.

Persuade using Intimidation: Make the audience believe that if they join your religion and give you money, they will go to heaven. In heaven, they will get virgins to do withas they please.  If they don’t sign up, in heaven they’ll be those virgins.

So, ladies and gentlemen, do not give up hope on TM. They are working tirelessly for our benefit. But your tardiness in poaying your dues is making life difficult for them. And even as you make that payment, knowing in your heart what an inflated a,mount you are paying for close to nothing, know that even making that payment is another great TM leadership lesson.