Persuasive Speaking 2 Again

Intro (Ian):

To reiterate, the 5 selling steps: needs id, recognition of importance, search for fulfilment, evaluation of options, d3ecision

Bob gave us an educational about professional selling last month. Now that was all well and nice, but it is based on airy fairy things like trust, so for me, it’s really difficult, maybe impossible.

Therefore I have found an alternative method of selling a house to Bob, which I will demonstrate tonight. It makes use of a third party, in this case, Colin. Notice that it is much easier to sell anything if you have a co-operative 3^rd party. Often that co-operation is bought, as in my last demonstration, but in this case, I have obtained co-operation by other means.

I’m fairly sure that this time, I have got it exactly right. But you guys judge, here goes:

Ian: Before I can find you a house Bob, I need to establish your needs. So what are your needs?

Bob: Blah blah.

Ian: Lol. Good luck with that! Come on, let’s be serious. I’ve got a house for you. A real bargain. It doesn’t quite have six garages, but it’s got most of the other stuff you want. Did I mention it’s a bargain?

Ian: SO here is the house. Nice hey? And nice and cheap. Let’s see if I can get you to want to buy it.

Ian: Knock at door. Colin answers.

Ian: Hi. Are you the owner of this house?

Colin: Yes.

Ian: Hi. I’m Ian. I was wondering if you want to sell your house.

Colin: Well, I haven’t really thought about it.

Ian: It’s really dark in here. I suppose the Electricity been cut? What about water?

Colin: That’s been cut too.

Ian: Oh. Didn’t pay your elec and water bill hey? Silly you.

Colin: My last bill was R5m, so no, I didn’t pay it.

Ian: Gee. You’re a heavy user. It’s people like you who are destroying the planet.

Colin: I didn’t use all that elec. It’s an error at the council.

Ian: That’s what they all say. By the way, how come haven;t you got a front door? Or a gate?

Colin: They were stolen by criminals last week.

Ian: Oh A bit of a crime wave, hey? Shame.

Colin: Yes, A bit. I’m being robbed every night. Last night they removed the fridge, the alarm and the window frames.

Ian: That’s unfortunate. The price will need to be adjusted for that.

what’s that loud noise?

Colin: Oh, that’s the new neighbours who are renting the house next door. What a noise they make, all day, all night. It’s driving me crazy.

Ian: Wow. Must be hard to think straight when you can’t ever sleep. You probably need to get out of here, even just for your own sanity. I must say, if I had to live here I would probably just give the house away. It’s terrible. Look, there’s someone running across your property.

Colin: Oh, yes. Thats one of the neighbours. They play cricket and sometimes knock the ball into my garden, Most of the windows on that side are broken as a result.

Ian: You must take them to court to pay for all that.

Colin: Oh yes. Except its costing me hundreds of thousands in lawyers fees, and costs them nothing, since they’re all flat broke.

Ian: Yes, that is the pron=blem with renters as neighbours. Looks like that’s a problem that is going to be hard to deal with. Unless you sell...

I see there’s a smelly river flowing across the driveway. Whats that?

Colin: Oh, one night two weeks ago the sewer mysteriously blocked and that river has been the result. I keep phoning the council, but they insist I must get a plumber. A plumber won’t fix it, since it’s council property abd illegal for them to touch. Its a difficult catch 22 situation.

Ian: Yes. And only going to get worse. And sad, it really is disgusting, and the smell!. I’m sure its not healthy, in fact I’m surprised you haven’t caught some fatal disease yet.

Is your wife home?

Colin: No, she moved out a week ago. couldn’t handle staying here anymore.

Ian: I’m not surprised, no one wants to shack up with a loser. Anyway, I have some very good news for you.

Ian: Well, it’s your lucky day. I’ve brought this nice gentleman, Bob, to have a look, see if he wants the place. Of course he’ll have to get it cheap, since it’s such a rough neighbouthood. In poor condition. And with that big bill to sort out. But he is keen and has the means.What do you think Bob? Because I’m concerned about your needs. My commission is of much less concern to me. Does this house, selling way below market value, meet your needs?

Bob: It’s very nice. But what about the council bill for R5m?

Ian: Oh, don’t worry. I have a few connections at the council. I’ll have it corrected in a day.

Colin: Hey! Why don’t you do that for me?

Ian: Oh no. It’s expensive. The best is for you to sell your house to Bob, Bob gets a bond, and part of the bond covers my services. So effectively none of you pay me, the bank pays for everything. So everyone is happy. Clever hey?

Colin: How expensive are your services?

Ian: Normally I charge 15%, but for you guys, a measly 10%. Very reasonable.

Bob: What about the crime?

Ian: Oh, that’s part of my services. I know a few gentlemen who are currently making Colin’s life difficult, and will continue to do so until I get my 10%. Of course, I’m telling you this in confidence, just so we’re all on the same page.

Bob: My other concern is the price.

Ian: Let’s see, the house is worth about R6m, say Bob offers you R4m which you will accept, and of that, I’ll get my cut, that’s R2 000 000. Of that, I take home very little, since I have lot’s of costs to deal with.

Renting the house next door is costing a fortune. The council employees also don’t come cheap anymoe. So you see, we all win.

Colin: But I only get R2m for my R6m house? How do I win? And 10% of R3m is not R1m.

Ian: Don’t be so pernickity. You sound like an accountant or something.You’ll be able to buy yourself a nice house somewhere else, and you won’t have a R5m debt hanging over your head any more. Imagine being able to sleep in peace the whole night, night after night. Imagine not having to drive threw a sewerage river on the way to your garage. Imagine how happy your wife will be. Much better to be peaceful and happy in your new R2m house. It’s a small price to be to be left in peace and quiet.

Colin: But why don’t I sell my house on the open market? Then I’ll get R6m for it.

Ian: No you won’t. Don’t try anything clever. This is as open as the market gets. Any other potential buyers are going to find out before the sale goes through that this place is cursed. By me. And besides, the same mistake just might occur if you buy another house somewhere else, these problems tend to follow the victims around. Unless they come to the party, that is.

Colin. But why me?

Ian: Just bad luck, wrong place, wrong time. Remember the golden rule: If you don’t have anything, you won’t attract attention. Try to live under the radar in future.

So, gentlemen, do we have a deal?

NOBODY ANSWER – THIS IS THE END OF THE SPEECH –DISCUSS HOW WELL IT WENT