What Toastmasters has done for Me
Mr floatmaster, ladies and gentlemen,
When I tell people I’m a member of TM, there is a swelling feeling in my chest. A feeling fed by their new found respect for me, invariably immediately evident. Yes, I am now one of those soon to be rich, soon to be famous, maybe soon to be president. At work they look at me with veiled fear. Suddenly I have prospects. Suddenly I’m in the race to be Top Management – I’m a force to be reckoned with. When I walk past the CEO in the passage, I look him in the eye and call him Pete. Even though I know his name is John.
When I sit at my desk, my thoughts no longer dwell on all the work I should be doing, or the associated guilt. No. Now I think about new black BMWs, cocktail parties and important stuff to say. I dream of crowds of highly motivated people singing and dancing in a sea of happy faces below me. I dream of smooth talking and smiling my way to winning landslide elections. I dream of staying in 7 star overseas hotels using taxpayers’ money. But most of all, I dream of a R65m rural eco-estate and a harem of 10 wives.
It also gives you a sense of freedom, knowing how important you are, you no longer need to kowtow to anyone. You can tell people what you really think of them, including the boss. In public too, and in a well-structured manner with a beginning, a body and a conclusion. And if you have CC5, you can use hand gestures too.
Which is the main reason I recently found myself looking for another job.
My CV used to be pretty short and a bit depressing. Now it reflects the new, successful me. (show paper Sipho Dlamini TM (President) CC5.
There are certain supernumerial advantages to being a member of President Toastmasters
I now also have an objective on my CV, this is a modern addition people in the know put on their CVs. It’s for showing how big a nob you think you’re going to be, that you’re not a total loser like I used to be and that you have Big Dreams. The secret is to ensure your Big Dreams are positioned just below the person you want to employ you. So unless you intend to get a job as the Pope or head of the Chinese Politburo, you would be advised to temporarily at least leave out the goal “world domination” and include something like I use “I aim to continue bettering my prospects by a varied basket of work experiences and new leadership challenges”. All this mixing with successful people and subliminal listening to these interminable speeches about self-improvement here at TM are starting to pay off.
Now, unfortunately there’s a part in your CV called education. This is a bit of a sensitive issue for me so I needed to be creative. If you’re also challenged in this department, I suggest stating something like “how you feel your culture may be irreversibly violated by a traditional, Eurocentric colonialist based formal education. You believe informal, experiential education is more valuable and leaves the mind more open to the creativity and diversity needed to overcome challenges in a new and vibrant age.”
Actually, make that “a new vibrant non-racial age and the job is yours.
Then came the time to actually look for a job.
The executive search placement agent was a bit uncooperative. I hate these over important, overdressed types who can not see a potentially hugely important business leader when they trip over him. However, I had more luck with Kelly Temps. The young gentleman seemed to recognize my potential and was appropriately interested to go out with me and to listen to how important exactly I am over a Spur Burger – I was running a bit low financially by then. Unfortunately it seems he was so overwhelmed, blinded and attracted by my talents and potential I had to lock myself in the toilet and escape out the toilet window.
Incredibly I still haven’t assumed a position commensurate with my standing. I have temporary work in Asset Risk Management. Or, in loser non-TM language, I’m a security guard. But not for long. Yes, I’m a floater.
So while I inexorably meander my way to the top of the pond to join the other floaters there, I’ll keep on coming here and ensuring some of the old TM magic rubs off on me.
Yes, I’m glad I’ll be one of us have’s, ignoring, stepping on and using the scores of have nots on my way to wealth and happiness. And so will all of you.
Thank you Toastmasters!
Thank you Mr Floatmaster, I mean, toastmaster
When I tell people I’m a member of TM, there is a swelling feeling in my chest. A feeling fed by their new found respect for me, invariably immediately evident. Yes, I am now one of those soon to be rich, soon to be famous, maybe soon to be president. At work they look at me with veiled fear. Suddenly I have prospects. Suddenly I’m in the race to be Top Management – I’m a force to be reckoned with. When I walk past the CEO in the passage, I look him in the eye and call him Pete. Even though I know his name is John.
When I sit at my desk, my thoughts no longer dwell on all the work I should be doing, or the associated guilt. No. Now I think about new black BMWs, cocktail parties and important stuff to say. I dream of crowds of highly motivated people singing and dancing in a sea of happy faces below me. I dream of smooth talking and smiling my way to winning landslide elections. I dream of staying in 7 star overseas hotels using taxpayers’ money. But most of all, I dream of a R65m rural eco-estate and a harem of 10 wives.
It also gives you a sense of freedom, knowing how important you are, you no longer need to kowtow to anyone. You can tell people what you really think of them, including the boss. In public too, and in a well-structured manner with a beginning, a body and a conclusion. And if you have CC5, you can use hand gestures too.
Which is the main reason I recently found myself looking for another job.
My CV used to be pretty short and a bit depressing. Now it reflects the new, successful me. (show paper Sipho Dlamini TM (President) CC5.
There are certain supernumerial advantages to being a member of President Toastmasters
I now also have an objective on my CV, this is a modern addition people in the know put on their CVs. It’s for showing how big a nob you think you’re going to be, that you’re not a total loser like I used to be and that you have Big Dreams. The secret is to ensure your Big Dreams are positioned just below the person you want to employ you. So unless you intend to get a job as the Pope or head of the Chinese Politburo, you would be advised to temporarily at least leave out the goal “world domination” and include something like I use “I aim to continue bettering my prospects by a varied basket of work experiences and new leadership challenges”. All this mixing with successful people and subliminal listening to these interminable speeches about self-improvement here at TM are starting to pay off.
Now, unfortunately there’s a part in your CV called education. This is a bit of a sensitive issue for me so I needed to be creative. If you’re also challenged in this department, I suggest stating something like “how you feel your culture may be irreversibly violated by a traditional, Eurocentric colonialist based formal education. You believe informal, experiential education is more valuable and leaves the mind more open to the creativity and diversity needed to overcome challenges in a new and vibrant age.”
Actually, make that “a new vibrant non-racial age and the job is yours.
Then came the time to actually look for a job.
The executive search placement agent was a bit uncooperative. I hate these over important, overdressed types who can not see a potentially hugely important business leader when they trip over him. However, I had more luck with Kelly Temps. The young gentleman seemed to recognize my potential and was appropriately interested to go out with me and to listen to how important exactly I am over a Spur Burger – I was running a bit low financially by then. Unfortunately it seems he was so overwhelmed, blinded and attracted by my talents and potential I had to lock myself in the toilet and escape out the toilet window.
Incredibly I still haven’t assumed a position commensurate with my standing. I have temporary work in Asset Risk Management. Or, in loser non-TM language, I’m a security guard. But not for long. Yes, I’m a floater.
So while I inexorably meander my way to the top of the pond to join the other floaters there, I’ll keep on coming here and ensuring some of the old TM magic rubs off on me.
Yes, I’m glad I’ll be one of us have’s, ignoring, stepping on and using the scores of have nots on my way to wealth and happiness. And so will all of you.
Thank you Toastmasters!
Thank you Mr Floatmaster, I mean, toastmaster
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