cc1: Specialness

-->

I teach maths for a living, so tonight I’d like to tell you that, statistically speaking, and I normally speak like that, the probability of existing now is higher than at any other time in history. You can calculate this using the fact that there  are now 7 bn people on earth, and growing fast. This constitutes a plague of unprecedented proportions. The biggest the earth saw previously was the great locust plague of 1875, where 1bn locusts decimated thousands of hectares of land. Considering we’re 1000 times bigger than your average locust, imagine what we’re busy doing.

So it was no surprise to find myself among you lot nearly half a century ago. Of course, soon after coming into existence, I  got to work just like everyone else. By now I’ve eaten my way through thousands of cows, chickens and plants, etc. I’ve burnt tons of ancient carbon matter. I’ve ridden roughshod over millions of other beings homes, stomping around on earth and leaving death and destruction in my wake.

So in a way I’m just like the rest of you.

Which might be the reason why one day, about two years ago, I found myself sitting in Rhema Church, in that big hall they have. There were about a thousand of us there, all very similar looking creatures. We had just been speaking in tongues, had had a good song and dance, and we were feeling full of the holy spirit. Pastor Ray McCauley was giving us a sermon. He was on stage and giving it a good go, and we were enthralled.  Then he stopped. He  looked me in the eye, out of all those people, and said “You are special. God loves you.”

Now Pastor McCauley represents God and is a cc6, so I believed him. I am special. God loves me. No one else does, so I began to wonder why. I mulled over this for many months. Then, in a bolt of enlightenment, God provided the relevant info.

God said, “Mpho, you are special for three reasons. The first reason is that you are handsome.” I’m sure you all noticed this fact, and it seems women are intimidated by very handsome guys, which is why I’m still single.

Then God said, “secondly, Mpho, you are strong. I know I don’t look like much , but I’ve noticed that at least one of my less visible muscles is definitely unusually large.

Lastly, God said, “Mpho, you are wealthy. Ok, he didn’t really say that, but he must have meant to say it, because I spend money like I’m a millionaire.

So the message for each of you tonight is to also find out what makes you special. It could be something small, like an unusual looking  pimple on your face. Or maybe your toenails grow faster than everyone else. Maybe you sweat more than the average person. You need to find those special things, no matter how small, and be thankful for them. Just like me.

And next time you are feeling depressed, consider how it would have been if you had been born 5 years from now. Then you would be part of a plague of 10bn people. Then you would really be a nobody.

So go out there and wallow in your specialness. Eat, drink, shag and burn as much of this world as you can, and leave your mark. The bigger the mark, the better.

Just like me.