Leadership 101

Today you’ll be hearing about leadership. Again. Why leadership? Leadership is about power. Women love power. And that is the reason everyone wants to be a leader. That is the reason they gave you the CL manual. To help you achieve those extra benefits.

There has been a lot of talk about leadership here recently. I mean, just last meeting, we heard about putting responsibilities and stuff in your back pack. We heard about owning up after you screwed up. We heard about being honest and all that gumpf. Scary stuff. And have you seen the size of the CL manual? And how complicated it is? You’ve probably started wondering whether women are worth it.

But think about it. Are leaders even vaguely like that? Do they take responsibility? Are they honest? Can they do any of the things in the CL Manual? Of course not. They are the opposite. So why are people telling us these things, even people in our own club who are supposed to be our friends? I know we all clapped politely at the time but maybe in future we need to think of where to draw the line.

In fact, these people are teaching you the exact opposite of leadership. You’re being taught minionship. Leaders need minions, not more leaders to compete for scarce resources. I mean, women don’t grow on trees.

The worst of it is, being a minion is much harder to be than a leader. That’s why the CL manual is so thick. A proper leadership manual only needs half a page. A leader will never tell you that.

But I will. So here is the real deal.

There are only 3 things to leadership success. Forcefulness – Actionlessness – Thoughtlessness  

Lets consider forcefulness.

A great leader is a bit like a hippo. Its big. And its fat. and it has presence. Its Easy to see for the hordes of minions trying to follow it. When it stands in a room, people have to make a point of walking around it. When it grunts, everybody listens.

This is called forcefulness. If you are light and thin and a wishy washy kind of colour, with a squeaky voice, no one will notice you. Its no good having a leader like that.

But a leaders absence must also be noticed. Imagine you have a leader  living in your swimming pool. Like any leader, you don’t really want it but it’s hard to get rid of. Then, one day you jump in and bump your head on the bottom. There’s hardly any water left. You notice that your leader is gone. 

The second characteristic is actionlessness:

You read in the CL manual all that stuff you have to do to be a leader. You heard how when you do something and screw it up, you must own up. But what they forgot to say is that, for the true leader, that is all irrelevant. Because being a leader is about not doing. You are actionless. That way you never screw up and never have to own up to anything. I mean, when last did you see a hippo actually doing anything? Apart from yawning?

Contrary to what you think, Its hard to not do anything and you have to learn it. Even The greatest leaders sometimes just can’t stop themselves doing something. Invariably you read about it in the press the enxt day and it eventually ends up in a messy court case.

The third characteristic is thoughtlessness:

Remember,  The single biggest obstacle to you achieving your goals is other people. It’s hard to lie to people and steal their women if you care about their feelings. It has been shown that 90% of CEOs/western leaders have psychopathic tendencies. So you must hone and polish the psychopath in you. What you always thought was your worst characteristic is your key to leadership success.

And that’s really all there is to it. F for forcefulness. A for actionlessness. T for thoughtlessness. Its so simple maybe some of you will consider it more of a challenge to rather be a minion. But then you’ll lose the benefits. You also need to consider that, despite SA having one of the highest obesity rates in the world, people are always complaining that there are not enough leaders. So I urge all of you. Eat as much as you can. Never do anything. Step on as many other people as possible. And achieve FAT.