Crossing Over
I often meet people and they just can’t understand why I joined TM.
And even more, why I stay joined. That’s because only a person who’s
experienced TM will understand.
There’s something maybe, dare I say it, addictive about speaking in front of an audience. When I first came to TM five years ago I was satisfied with speaking for 5-7 minutes. After a while I found myself volunteering to speak every session. You see, the more you do it the more you want it. The more you need it. Speaking to an audience is like being set free. Nothing else matters.
In fact, I will speak all the time if I get the chance. The problem is, of course, finding audiences to listen.
It wasn’t long before they couldn’t put up with me at work any more and fired me. My dog refuses outright to be in the same room with me. Even the goldfish went crazy in his bowl and in desperation jumped out and, despite my efforts to save him, managed to commit suicide.
Finally I found the perfect solution. I began to speaking to dead people. If you think about it, they’re like a perfect audience. Completely attentive, no one walks out halfway through, and no stupid questions to interrupt you.
So I began visiting Westpark cemetery. I would sit there for hours, telling those people the most interesting things. Giving speeches which lasted up to 8 hours long. Using the entire speaking area. Perfect hand gestures. A beginning alone which lasted 2 hours. No irritating timer lights to stop me. No illogical evaluators to criticize me.
Then, last Saturday evening, a funny thing happened. It was a dark night and misty, a perfect evening to be out and speaking. I had brought my portable spotlight to shine on the speaker. I had only been there a few hours, and was just really getting setlled in, when I distinctly heard a voice. At first I thought it was my own. I’m so good at talking and using voice inflexion now that sometimes I even fool myself. So I carried on talking, with even more voice projection and hand gestures.
Then I heard it again. This time I was pretty sure the voice didn’t come from me, but from somewhere nearby. Although I was in the middle of the most fascinating speech, I managed to keep quiet for 5 moinutes while I listened and looked around. There was definitely no one near. For some reason people don’t like being near mke when I am at my most inspiring.
Not being able to keep quiet any longer I continued louder than ever. Then, I very distinctly heard a voice, loud this time, and it said, “please, Please, PLEASE SHUT UP!” That did shut me up. Because there was apparently no one there. At least no one with a voice box in working order.
Then another voice said, “please shut up. I don’t know what we did to deserve this but surely we’ve suffered enough for today.” Yet another chimed in “Maybe you got the wrong section of the cemetaery? This part is for Christians – I spwecifically was saved and forgiven my sins to prevent this happening to me. Maybe you’re meant toi be in the Muslim section – its over there.”
Incredible. TM had taught me to communicate SO WELL that I could now communicate with the dead. I am so damn good I don’t even need you lot to be alive to communicate with you.
Let me demonstrate. I’m going to need silence for this. . .
I think I’m receiving something. Yes. What
is your name? Yes you? Francois…And your surname? duToit…
I’m getting a message for you. ..Wait…receiving…Francois, there was a woman in your life, am I right? Did you have a mother? Yes?..And it seems she had some kind of lover, like maybe a husband…correct? …The message I’m getting is from his father’s father, a Mr du Toit…
He says TM is cancelled until further notice. There was a fire there last week. It was soul destroying
Another dead person seems to be trying to get through to me R…Ra…Ralph! Does anyone here know someone with the name Ralph? Wait there’s more…S…Smedley! Its Ralph Smedley himself!! This is an honour. Anyway he has a message for all of you. Hang on….receiving…
He says he is sorry he is late, he went to the wrong venue. He says it was a grave mistake? …Get it? OK I think that might have been Ralphs contribution to the humour here tonight/he’s trying to contribute to the humour here tonight….a bit of a pathetic effort, I must say. Ralph is a typical TM, not very funny…wait, he has more….
What has 3 wives, 22 children and can’t speak any sense? A president toastmaster…
Ok, Ralph’s got a lot more to say apparently but I think we’ve heard enough. It seems, yes, as though he’s never going to shut up! I’ll have to cut him off…
Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve demonstrated here tonight how to communicate with the dead. I urge you, don’t believe you need to limit the use of your skills to the living audiences. The dead also need to hear you, to be entertained, to benefit from your TM given talentrs. Besides, If you think about how many people there are that are dead, imagine the size of audiences that are possible!
There’s something maybe, dare I say it, addictive about speaking in front of an audience. When I first came to TM five years ago I was satisfied with speaking for 5-7 minutes. After a while I found myself volunteering to speak every session. You see, the more you do it the more you want it. The more you need it. Speaking to an audience is like being set free. Nothing else matters.
In fact, I will speak all the time if I get the chance. The problem is, of course, finding audiences to listen.
It wasn’t long before they couldn’t put up with me at work any more and fired me. My dog refuses outright to be in the same room with me. Even the goldfish went crazy in his bowl and in desperation jumped out and, despite my efforts to save him, managed to commit suicide.
Finally I found the perfect solution. I began to speaking to dead people. If you think about it, they’re like a perfect audience. Completely attentive, no one walks out halfway through, and no stupid questions to interrupt you.
So I began visiting Westpark cemetery. I would sit there for hours, telling those people the most interesting things. Giving speeches which lasted up to 8 hours long. Using the entire speaking area. Perfect hand gestures. A beginning alone which lasted 2 hours. No irritating timer lights to stop me. No illogical evaluators to criticize me.
Then, last Saturday evening, a funny thing happened. It was a dark night and misty, a perfect evening to be out and speaking. I had brought my portable spotlight to shine on the speaker. I had only been there a few hours, and was just really getting setlled in, when I distinctly heard a voice. At first I thought it was my own. I’m so good at talking and using voice inflexion now that sometimes I even fool myself. So I carried on talking, with even more voice projection and hand gestures.
Then I heard it again. This time I was pretty sure the voice didn’t come from me, but from somewhere nearby. Although I was in the middle of the most fascinating speech, I managed to keep quiet for 5 moinutes while I listened and looked around. There was definitely no one near. For some reason people don’t like being near mke when I am at my most inspiring.
Not being able to keep quiet any longer I continued louder than ever. Then, I very distinctly heard a voice, loud this time, and it said, “please, Please, PLEASE SHUT UP!” That did shut me up. Because there was apparently no one there. At least no one with a voice box in working order.
Then another voice said, “please shut up. I don’t know what we did to deserve this but surely we’ve suffered enough for today.” Yet another chimed in “Maybe you got the wrong section of the cemetaery? This part is for Christians – I spwecifically was saved and forgiven my sins to prevent this happening to me. Maybe you’re meant toi be in the Muslim section – its over there.”
Incredible. TM had taught me to communicate SO WELL that I could now communicate with the dead. I am so damn good I don’t even need you lot to be alive to communicate with you.
Let me demonstrate. I’m going to need silence for this. . .
I think I’m receiving something. Yes.
I’m getting a message for you. ..Wait…receiving…Francois, there was a woman in your life, am I right? Did you have a mother? Yes?..And it seems she had some kind of lover, like maybe a husband…correct? …The message I’m getting is from his father’s father, a Mr du Toit…
He says TM is cancelled until further notice. There was a fire there last week. It was soul destroying
Another dead person seems to be trying to get through to me R…Ra…Ralph! Does anyone here know someone with the name Ralph? Wait there’s more…S…Smedley! Its Ralph Smedley himself!! This is an honour. Anyway he has a message for all of you. Hang on….receiving…
He says he is sorry he is late, he went to the wrong venue. He says it was a grave mistake? …Get it? OK I think that might have been Ralphs contribution to the humour here tonight/he’s trying to contribute to the humour here tonight….a bit of a pathetic effort, I must say. Ralph is a typical TM, not very funny…wait, he has more….
What has 3 wives, 22 children and can’t speak any sense? A president toastmaster…
Ok, Ralph’s got a lot more to say apparently but I think we’ve heard enough. It seems, yes, as though he’s never going to shut up! I’ll have to cut him off…
Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve demonstrated here tonight how to communicate with the dead. I urge you, don’t believe you need to limit the use of your skills to the living audiences. The dead also need to hear you, to be entertained, to benefit from your TM given talentrs. Besides, If you think about how many people there are that are dead, imagine the size of audiences that are possible!
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