Mini Hadron Collider

Since the theme tonight is technology, I decided to bring in some very relevant technoilogical equipment to demonstrate. This, L&G, is a MHC. Yes, it’s the small brother to the well-known LHC in Switzerland and which has been in the news recently because it discoevered the higgs boson.

As you are no doubt aware, the Higgs Boson is a small particle obtained by smashing large particles such as Hadrons together. This is done essentially by smashing even larger particles such as electrons and protons trogether.

Some of you may have experienced power failres in Pretoria in the last few months. That was actually me preparing for this speech be generating higgs bosons to show you here tonight. You see, you need about 180MW to get the particles up to speed to create accidents of the required ferocity.

Unfortunately, it titrns out that once you’ve separated a higgs boson it only exists for a fraction of a microsecond before disintegrating, I haven’t been able to bring one in. In fact it exists for such a sghort time you can’t detect it, you have to detect it’s remains, which is a bit of energy.

Inside here we have a figure of 8, tube shaped track in which the particles are accelerated. At the intersection, the collisions occur and the detectors are placed there, to detect the Higgs boson remnants. The detectors convert the energy wave into an audible sigmal which you can hear from these speakers.

Around the track we have electromagnets which accelerate the particles and are controlled by this computer.

This button turns on the vacuum pump to evacuate the track before you start, because obviously you need to remove all the air particles that would otherwise  block the track for the particles.

Around here we have the power supply. Currently its 180MW, hence this big, powerful supply cable.

So why is this important?

Its basically a demonstration of how ignorant people really are.

Let me relate a story – 400 years ago Jan van Riebeek, a great physiociost and scientist, arrived in Africa. One of the first things he saw was a savage busy being cured of some horrific disease by a witchdoctor. Immediately he confidently announced how stupid the savage was, how the method could not work and was unscientific. Today, we see the witchdoctor method og cure, now called the placebo effect, is so effective it must be taken into account in every single medical research trial.

So much for science and physics.

And today, we have so-called eminent scientists with doctorates such as Richard Dawklins telling us that water diving doesn’t work, and writing books called tge god delusion. We have scientists saying astrology is mumbo jumbo, there are no ghosts, and no one can foretell the future.

This little baby shows just how little they really know. There is a world of new physics laws, new particles, new discoveries and machines to be invented we only dreamt of before. And it actually creates far more questions than answers. It shows us we are much more ignorant than we previously thought.

What about the other particles, the fermions, axions and morons? They also need to be found.

So next month I’m be upgrading it to 3 times its power. Expect more power blackouts, and this time not just in Pretoria.