Funny Speech
When I volunteered 2 months ago to make a humorous speech, today seemed a distant and remote prospect. Certainly nothing to be worried about.
Volunteering seemed such a worthwhile and noble thing to do. I imagined myself standing here, calmly spouting joke after joke, while you all were in stitched of laughter. However, yesterday was different. Suddenly I realized I had nothing funny to say. And the more I couldn't think of any jokes, the more stress overcame me. . A wave of stress hit me, and I immediately thought back to stress management class. So I watched TV and went to bed, secure in the knowledge that my stress was thereby effectively dealt with.
This morning I woke up and another wave of stress hit me, even bigger. As the day went by, and I realised I couldn't sleep any more, I had to deal with the stress in some other way. People have a number of ways of dealing with stress, especially growing stress which increases as a deadline approaches. You could, for example, go to the local for a pint. If that doesn't work, you could visit Yeoville for something stronger.
Finally, in desperation, I decided to prepare a speech.
The funny speech idea you will probably think of is probably the one I came up with. You actually prepare to not prepare. I mean, to be really funny you shouldn’t intend to be. What I mean is, for example, what can be funnier than someone standing up and trying to do an impromptu at a humorous contest? However, you need to be fairly courageous for this to work.
Ensure you have nothing like a podium to stand behind, then stand in the biggest lighting spot so no one can miss a thing.
It might go something like this : um er…I was thinking the other day…..about the weather…um err….did you hear about the two peanuts in Hillbrow? One was assaulted….
This is a sure fire winner.
If you aren’t into making a complete fool of yourself, you need to think a bit more. So how does one prepare a funny speech?
Having now got some experience in the matter, I thought it might be useful for me to impart the knowledge to you.
1) Internet research: This is everybody’s 1st port of call. There are loads of funny jokes and speeches there. Just be warned – the people you beat in the contest WILL go back and do a plagiarism search…
2) Expert consultation: Get someone else to write a speech for you.
Ok, so 1 is risky and 2 is expensive. Now for a secret: there is a third method. This involves going to the newspaper website of one of our northern neighbor country’s. Download any article, preferably from the opinions column, although I think that’s the only type of column they have. Then you only have to read it out, or, at worst, make a few minor changes, and I guarantee you will have the funniest speech at any contest. Unless, of course, one of those journalists is competing against you…
So there you have it. None of you have any excuses for not competing in the next humorous contest. But please, the Zimbabwe Herald is mine…
Volunteering seemed such a worthwhile and noble thing to do. I imagined myself standing here, calmly spouting joke after joke, while you all were in stitched of laughter. However, yesterday was different. Suddenly I realized I had nothing funny to say. And the more I couldn't think of any jokes, the more stress overcame me. . A wave of stress hit me, and I immediately thought back to stress management class. So I watched TV and went to bed, secure in the knowledge that my stress was thereby effectively dealt with.
This morning I woke up and another wave of stress hit me, even bigger. As the day went by, and I realised I couldn't sleep any more, I had to deal with the stress in some other way. People have a number of ways of dealing with stress, especially growing stress which increases as a deadline approaches. You could, for example, go to the local for a pint. If that doesn't work, you could visit Yeoville for something stronger.
Finally, in desperation, I decided to prepare a speech.
The funny speech idea you will probably think of is probably the one I came up with. You actually prepare to not prepare. I mean, to be really funny you shouldn’t intend to be. What I mean is, for example, what can be funnier than someone standing up and trying to do an impromptu at a humorous contest? However, you need to be fairly courageous for this to work.
Ensure you have nothing like a podium to stand behind, then stand in the biggest lighting spot so no one can miss a thing.
It might go something like this : um er…I was thinking the other day…..about the weather…um err….did you hear about the two peanuts in Hillbrow? One was assaulted….
This is a sure fire winner.
If you aren’t into making a complete fool of yourself, you need to think a bit more. So how does one prepare a funny speech?
Having now got some experience in the matter, I thought it might be useful for me to impart the knowledge to you.
1) Internet research: This is everybody’s 1st port of call. There are loads of funny jokes and speeches there. Just be warned – the people you beat in the contest WILL go back and do a plagiarism search…
2) Expert consultation: Get someone else to write a speech for you.
Ok, so 1 is risky and 2 is expensive. Now for a secret: there is a third method. This involves going to the newspaper website of one of our northern neighbor country’s. Download any article, preferably from the opinions column, although I think that’s the only type of column they have. Then you only have to read it out, or, at worst, make a few minor changes, and I guarantee you will have the funniest speech at any contest. Unless, of course, one of those journalists is competing against you…
So there you have it. None of you have any excuses for not competing in the next humorous contest. But please, the Zimbabwe Herald is mine…
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