Humorous Contest 2009
Ladies, gentlemen, evaluators,nand others.
I volunteered 2 months ago to do this humorous speech. Yesterday I rediscovered this obligation. Unfortunately for you Yoke was deaf to the fact that I had a sudden bought of swine flu, I had a sudden urgent business appointment in London, and my wife was due to give birth right about now.
These stressful occasions can easily trigger brain dysfunction, and that, unfortunately, is exactly what transpired yesterday. Unsurprisingly I felt the need for stress therapy, so I had to go for and emergency session at the Slug & Lettuce.
There is nothing like professional advice. I won’t forget the words of wisdom I got from the barman as he handed me my 3rd water. He said ”by the time you talk they’ll be tired of laughing anyway. Rather just say something useful that will be helpful for people.”
You can imagine my relief as the stress dissipated.
Instead of a funny speech, I will discuss a topic that is very close to my heart and that we tend to avoid at TM. That is, what do we bother to come to TM for?
Reasons : masochistic tendencies coming to the fore?
Character building, prove endurance and tenacity, never say die
Meet women...
Maybe, Mabye not… we really need to consider this in more detail.
Lets consider what famous people TM has produced: Obama? No Mandela? No. Dalai Llama? No. Jacob Zuma? No one can say for sure, but if he was a member of Presidents club, and he failed his CC1 twice, no one will say and the records have gone missing.
No. We can only be sure of someone called Ralph Smedley. And of course you and me.
We could turn that one around – why did none of these people go to TM? They’re famous and none of us are. They talk sense and we don’t. They give the best speeches...
Whatever it is, TM is a successful and popular org.
Which is amazing when you think of its beginnings. Would you buy a used car from someone called Ralph Smedley? I didn’t think so/Nor would I. So Ralph was unemployed, looking for something to do, and he thought: Why don’t I start an organization for people who have absolutely nothing to do on a Thursday night, who have been overcome by intense boredom, can come to a meeting, form a committee, think of useless things to say to each other? They can time each other. They can drink water. They can time each other. They can insult each other through evaluations of everything.
You will notice why Ralph didn’t get into university.
But as often happens when people have nothing to do, Ralph proved to be fairly persistent.
You can remember how it was for you when someone suggested you go to your first toastmasters meeting. What? Why on earth would anyone do that?There must be something I’m missing here, because I know a lot of people do go, so I better go and see.
So you arrive and sit among all these pretentious types making formal announcements and speaking inanities about nothing. Afterwards you still aren’t sure what you missed, but you don’t want to admit you’re intellectually challenged/display your intellectual liabilities, so you keep quiet, and attend the next meeting, pretending you get it, hoping you’ll get it at the next meeting. Now the members think you're their friend, and just to please them you sign up. Suddenly you find yourself paying their membership fees, attending regularly, drinking water...you're acting just like them!
Ok so you’ll never be president of America. Or save South Africa from Apartheid. You’ll never lead the Tibetans to freedom. But you may or may not make a lot of money in a shady arms deal.
And at least there’s about 25 others in the same club as you. They’re also wondering why they keep coming, but because you keep coming, they think there must be some important reason.
Come to think of it, it’s astonishing that TM has lasted so long. I’m sure that by next month people must have seen the light and we will all have found something better to do. Like stay at home and watch TV. But in the mean time, I urge you all to make the best of it. So see you later at Café 41…
I volunteered 2 months ago to do this humorous speech. Yesterday I rediscovered this obligation. Unfortunately for you Yoke was deaf to the fact that I had a sudden bought of swine flu, I had a sudden urgent business appointment in London, and my wife was due to give birth right about now.
These stressful occasions can easily trigger brain dysfunction, and that, unfortunately, is exactly what transpired yesterday. Unsurprisingly I felt the need for stress therapy, so I had to go for and emergency session at the Slug & Lettuce.
There is nothing like professional advice. I won’t forget the words of wisdom I got from the barman as he handed me my 3rd water. He said ”by the time you talk they’ll be tired of laughing anyway. Rather just say something useful that will be helpful for people.”
You can imagine my relief as the stress dissipated.
Instead of a funny speech, I will discuss a topic that is very close to my heart and that we tend to avoid at TM. That is, what do we bother to come to TM for?
Reasons : masochistic tendencies coming to the fore?
Character building, prove endurance and tenacity, never say die
Meet women...
Maybe, Mabye not… we really need to consider this in more detail.
Lets consider what famous people TM has produced: Obama? No Mandela? No. Dalai Llama? No. Jacob Zuma? No one can say for sure, but if he was a member of Presidents club, and he failed his CC1 twice, no one will say and the records have gone missing.
No. We can only be sure of someone called Ralph Smedley. And of course you and me.
We could turn that one around – why did none of these people go to TM? They’re famous and none of us are. They talk sense and we don’t. They give the best speeches...
Whatever it is, TM is a successful and popular org.
Which is amazing when you think of its beginnings. Would you buy a used car from someone called Ralph Smedley? I didn’t think so/Nor would I. So Ralph was unemployed, looking for something to do, and he thought: Why don’t I start an organization for people who have absolutely nothing to do on a Thursday night, who have been overcome by intense boredom, can come to a meeting, form a committee, think of useless things to say to each other? They can time each other. They can drink water. They can time each other. They can insult each other through evaluations of everything.
You will notice why Ralph didn’t get into university.
But as often happens when people have nothing to do, Ralph proved to be fairly persistent.
You can remember how it was for you when someone suggested you go to your first toastmasters meeting. What? Why on earth would anyone do that?There must be something I’m missing here, because I know a lot of people do go, so I better go and see.
So you arrive and sit among all these pretentious types making formal announcements and speaking inanities about nothing. Afterwards you still aren’t sure what you missed, but you don’t want to admit you’re intellectually challenged/display your intellectual liabilities, so you keep quiet, and attend the next meeting, pretending you get it, hoping you’ll get it at the next meeting. Now the members think you're their friend, and just to please them you sign up. Suddenly you find yourself paying their membership fees, attending regularly, drinking water...you're acting just like them!
Ok so you’ll never be president of America. Or save South Africa from Apartheid. You’ll never lead the Tibetans to freedom. But you may or may not make a lot of money in a shady arms deal.
And at least there’s about 25 others in the same club as you. They’re also wondering why they keep coming, but because you keep coming, they think there must be some important reason.
Come to think of it, it’s astonishing that TM has lasted so long. I’m sure that by next month people must have seen the light and we will all have found something better to do. Like stay at home and watch TV. But in the mean time, I urge you all to make the best of it. So see you later at Café 41…
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